


5 Times Jim Couldn't Choose Bones; 1 Time Bones Chose Jim

by AlyssiaInWonderland



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Gen, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, STID feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14097537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssiaInWonderland/pseuds/AlyssiaInWonderland
Summary: What it says on the tin: 5 times Jim had to choose his crew and Captaincy over Bones, and one time Bones chose Jim over his Doctorly oath.





	5 Times Jim Couldn't Choose Bones; 1 Time Bones Chose Jim

**1.**

“Jim, we’d like to make you Captain of the Enterprise.”  
  
“I’m sorry, Sir?” Jim gapes at Admiral Pike, wondering if the man is joking. He looks deadly serious.

“You heard me, kid. I had to piss off a few people to swing it, but that ship used to be mine and I want her going to capable hands.” Pike smiles at Jim encouragingly, almost paternal in a way that makes Jim’s stomach twist with a mixture of happiness and fear.

“But, what about Spock? Surely he would be the – the _logical_ choice?” Jim stammers, his mind racing at a thousand miles a minute.

“Maybe. But you’re the _right_ one.” Pike watches Jim’s internal struggle carefully.

“I don’t know what to say…” Jim can see Bones’ face in his mind’s eye, hear the swearing of his aviophobia bitten out loudly and explicitly. It’s his dream, the Enterprise, a once-in-a-lifetime offer. And it’s his ship, or Bones.

“I don’t think I need to remind you this is a one-time deal, son. I’m not going to be able to swing this again.” Pike pauses, a compassionate look in his eyes. “I’m gonna need an answer, Jim.”  
  
“I-“ Jim takes in a sharp breath, blinks away the image of Bones standing at the docks, waving him off on the mission of his dreams. He steels himself. He can’t put his life and dreams on hold for a desperate and probably unrequited crush. “I’d be honoured to accept, Sir.”  
  
“Good.” Pike’s eyes flicker with gladness. “You’ve made the right choice, kid.” Pike claps him on the shoulder as he departs.

All Jim can think is that the word ‘kid’ sounds a lot more comforting in a Southern accent.

* * *

 

**2.**

Bones is standing over the body, staring at his bloodied knuckles like they don’t belong to him. One of the security guards is pulling him back by the arm, and Jim watches as Bones acquiesces, uncharacteristically pliant. Christine takes the ambassador to Medbay to be treated, his assistant following with a slight limp.

Jim follows Bones into the brig, sits down at the interrogation chair, and wishes with all his heart that he could talk to Bones as a friend rather than a Captain.

He turns on the recording device.

 “Captain’s Log, Disciplinary. The CMO McCoy was reported to have attacked one of the ambassadors on the vessel. Now follows the official interrogation.” Jim takes a breath, and turns to Bones, who is still staring at his hands in horror. “Dr. McCoy,” Jim asks, “Did you, or did you not, attack the ambassador?”

“I did.” Bones sounds as shocked by the turn of events as Jim is. In other circumstances it would be almost comical.

“Was he talking to you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“So you attacked him unprovoked?” Jim wouldn’t think it of him, but he has to ask, even though every fibre of him wants to dismiss the thought that Bones would be senselessly violent.

“No!” Bones bursts out, the first instance of animation since the incident. “That is…technically, yes.”  
  
“Dr. McCoy, please elaborate. Explain, in your own words, why you saw fit to attack the ambassador.” Jim tries to keep the confused worry from his voice.

“He didn’t insult me, or anythin’ like that. But – Jim, he was beatin’ on his assistant!” Bones’ volume increased at the end of the sentence.

“It’s Captain Kirk, not Jim.” He corrects, a little harshly. “Did you see the ambassador doing that?” Jim bit his lip. He hates having to question this, but he has to be thorough.

“Well…not exactly. I had his assistant in Medbay, he requested a check-up. An’ he was all tight-lipped about how he’d gotten so many bruises an’ welts an’ cuts on his legs, which was bad enough! But then I asked if there was more ta sort out, an’ he started ta show me scars. Actual scars, Ji- Captain. Then the ambassador came stormin’ into my goddamn Medbay, demandin’ t’know why I was lookin’ at his assistant, an’ the poor assistant _flinched_!   
  
“When I said a check-up was routine, the ambassador turned t’his assistant an’ said somethin’ about ‘keepin’ your mouth shut or else’ an’ when I challenged the ‘or else’ part he reached towards his ceremonial whip, an’ I realised that’s what made the goddamn welts!” Bones pauses for breath, looking at Jim desperately. “I guess I jus’ snapped, after that.”

“Thank you for your time, Dr. McCoy. Once we’ve checked the security footage and questioned the ambassador and assistant, I will return with the charges against you either dropped or sustained. End log.” Jim sighs, pressing the stop button on the recording.

“Jim – Captain! You gotta believe me, I-“ Bones sounds painfully close to begging. His knuckles are still bleeding sluggishly, smearing darkness onto the pristine table between them.

“I believe you, Bones.” Jim says, softly. “But you must understand, I have to investigate this like any other incident.”  
  
Bones swallows, staring up at Jim. He’s never looked quite so fragile to Jim before.

“I’ll send someone up with supplies for your hands.” Jim looks away, and hurries out of the door.

The case is closed, and the ambassador summarily taken to court on his home planet. Bones seems content with the outcome – if he resents Jim’s forced impartiality, he shows no sign of it.

* * *

 

**3.**

They’re in a cell, and it’s dark and damp and Jim can barely make out the planes of Bones’ face. The rest of the crew are huddled behind him, Spock using his Vulcan strength on the bars around Bones’ cell.

“Why the fuck did they have to put you in here, separately?” Jim hisses under his breath, attempting to warp the lock using a wrench and some basic leverage.

“Dammit, Jim, y’all need ta get out of here! I’ll be safe while I’m still valuable to ‘em, an’ half of ‘em are still injured! I got the cushy ‘helpful doctor’ cell, now git! Y’all can only come back for me an’ save me if y’ain’t torn to shreds by the damn enemy!”

“Captain, I believe I can hear the guards approaching. You must reach the beam up point – it is tuned to your bio-signature.” Spock almost sounds sympathetic, or even worried.  
  
“Listen to the logical prat for once, Jim!” Bones is pleading, and the need in his expression just makes Jim want to help him more. “I know y’all are comin’ back for me!”

“Fine.” Jim hesitates for one more moment before dropping the wrench with a ear-shattering clang. “Let’s go, after me. We’re coming back for you, Bones!" 

They get Bones out of the cell and back into Medbay easily, Jim and Spock leading the mission to rescue him fiercely and swiftly. Bones, as ever, doesn’t seem to change, despite the danger he had been in.

It’s Jim who is changed. Left to swallow down the guilt.

* * *

 **4.**  

“Bones…I can’t let you beam back up. The planet’s been quarantined.” Jim is clutching the communicator hard, and it’s cutting into his palm enough that Spock takes it from him, gently.

“Alrigh’.” Bones sounds far too accepting of this fate. “Can ya beam down some o’ my supplies? An’ maybe I can beam up sterile samples? We gotta save these people, Jim!”  
  
“What about you?” Jim yells, snatching the communicator back off Spock, ignoring the sympathetic looks from the crew. They’re all _knowing_ and _caring_ , and Jim can hardly stand it. “Fuck it all, Bones. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t just do nothing!”

“Damn right you can!” Bones snaps, the anger in his voice making him seem more real to Jim, somehow. “Jim, you know beamin’ me up’d cost you your commission, an’ maybe even cost more lives! Get the damn Vulcan – who I jus’ bet is breathin’ over your shoulder – ta work on findin’ a cure with me!” He pauses, struggling with his accent, which always gets stronger when he is stressed. “It’s gonna be ok, Jim. But you gotta be the Captain righ’ now. An’ my friend second.”

“Yes. I’ll get Spock right on it, Bones. I’m so-“

“I swear to god, if your next words are an apology, I’ll wring your goddamn neck!”  
  
“That’s the spirit, Bones.” Jim laughs reluctantly, his knuckles still white around the communicator. Carefully, he hands it over to Spock, who instantly heads to the science labs. Jim can hear the familiar cadence of their arguing as Spock leaves the bridge.

Several tense days later, his hands still tingling from the regenerated cuts that Christine glared at him for (in an unnerving imitation of McCoy’s disapproval), a cure is found, and Bones beams back up. 

Spock raises an eyebrow when Jim greets Bones with a tight hug, but he wisely refrains from commenting about the correct protocol for returning from a mission.

* * *

 

**5.**

They’ve been on the enemy ship for maybe five minutes at most, and Jim is pushing forward, trying to keep the momentum so they can reach the command deck and the hostages. He’s breathing fast, the dry recycled air harsh in his throat, and Spock is just behind him. 

There’s an open area, and Jim signals to a couple of security ensigns to hold down covering fire. Jim, as ever, is the first to take the risk, Spock hot on his heels. Bones follows, his field med-kit heavy on his back, ready to help and heal. He’s holding a phaser, but like the others, he’s not shooting, preferring to try and cover ground as fast as possible. He’s several paces behind them – Spock is inhumanly fast, and Jim had a good headstart – when he hears the distinct thump of a body hitting the floor. Bones turns, as do Jim and Spock.

One of the ensigns has fallen, taken a shot to the leg.

Bones reaches out to head back, and that’s when the burning shot hits his back.

Time freezes for a long moment, Jim’s mouth opening to scream in horror. Spock, in this tiny snapshot of time, actually looks horrified, his face twisted with emotion. Then the moment passes, and the med-kit skids across the floor, ending up near Jim.

Spock sends Jim a look, and he knows what it means, even though he wishes he doesn’t.

“Keep going!” Jim shouts, taking his turn to shoot covering fire from his comparatively sheltered position. “Spock, get Bones back to our ship!”  
  
Spock doesn’t bother to reply, simply lunges forward, picks Bones up like he’s a ragdoll and runs, faster than Jim had any hope of being. As the rest of his team makes their way across the space, Jim swallows his emotions, turning to his tactical brain and retreating into it.

He leads them forward, and they take the bridge and rescue the hostages, with only one further injury – this one to Jim’s arm, because he somehow ended up in a knife-fight with the leader of the pirate ship.

When they get back, he gives Sulu the conn, and races to Medbay. Christine looks surprised that he turned up, until he asks after Bones. She frowns, makes him sit and runs a regenerator over his arm as she explains.

“He’s out of surgery, Captain. He should recover well, just a little slowly. I’m putting him off duty for a week, and half shifts for a week after that.” Jim relaxes, a smirk growing on his face.

“He’s not going to like that, Christine.” He says, watching the curtain drawn around Bones’ bio-bed.

“Oh, he doesn’t have to like it. He just has to obey.” Christine grins, and Jim can only stare at her with a little fear and a lot of respect. “Oh, go on. You can visit him, if you like.”

“Thanks.” Jim slides off the bio-bed, feeling rather like a school-kid under her strict but kindly treatment.

He sneaks behind the curtain, and draws up a chair. He carefully takes one of Bones’ hands. He looks pale, his hair messy, and it’s almost like a physical shock to his heart, because his face isn’t animated with his usual fierce spirit, and he looks so small, so lost against the white sheets. Emotions twist inside Jim painfully, dragging tears to his eyes as he bites his lip and clings to the pain of it. He tastes salt on his lips.

He hates that he wasn’t there. He hates that Bones had to get hurt. And, he realises, he hates it most of all because he loves Bones, and he’s only realised it after it was almost too late.

* * *

 

**+1.**

 Bones sees Jim lying there, too peaceful and still for sleep, and he’s gripped by the cold certainty that it’s too late. He’s usually so full of life, blue eyes bright with determination and humour and that little quirk of kindness and love that Jim likes to think he keeps hidden. Now he’s quiet and his eyes are shut, and Bones has never hated anyone in this moment quite so fiercely as he hates Khan. But even that feeling can’t last, the fire and colour utterly leeched from this heartless world.

He loves Jim. He’s always known it, maybe always loved him, too, since the ridiculous nickname that became everything he was. Since he came across a kid whose sharp edges fit with his, and his world was turned upside down with the streaking comet that was Jim Kirk.

He sits, numbly, because now he’ll never know what it would be like to confess his love to Jim, never know his roguish, exasperating smile again. Never know what they could have been – because if their friendship was any judge, they could be – could have been amazing. In the corner of his eye, the tribble is shifting, breathing and for a moment he hates its mundane distraction in a moment so intense. And then he realises what it means.

He’s got a chance – and a choice. Be Dr McCoy, do not play at God; or try to save Jim and tell the consequences to go hang. 

He doesn’t even hesitate over his choice. He pushes himself up from the chair, the vibrancy rushing back into the world even through the warped sounds around him like voices through water. Hope dizzies him.

“Get him in a cryo-tube, now!”

 He watches the ice cover Jim’s face, and thinks that choosing between being Dr McCoy and being Bones happened long before this, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy so this is very random, not what I am *meant* to be turning out rn, but ah well!
> 
> hope it's enjoyable anyway - thanks for reading!
> 
> as ever, comments and kudos feed my dark dark soul :p


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